Bananas and all...

Ok. Time to be honest here. After 7 years, my relationship with my girlfriend Hilary has come to an end. I don't really expect that we'll ever get back together (not that I'm saying I wouldn't love it, but it might just not have been meant to be a permanent thing - maybe it was something both of us needed to learn from).

That being said, after a few rough, emotional days, I came to a very important conclusion. Hilary and I had a great relationship for the factors of caring about each other and supporting each other. We both hit on some hard times during the course of the 7 years. Maybe they were too much to overcome as a couple, but that doesn't mean I'm not willing to be a friend to her. Yes, it might be hard. There might be reminders that make me feel sad... but not having her in my life at all leaves a much greater hole to fill than knowing that she's there, still cares about me and wants me to be happy.

She will probably be with someone else... and that's good. I hope he can be good to her and give her happiness the way I might not have been able to. And some day, perhaps, I will find someone to be with as well. And I will trust that she will be proud of and happy for me.

It isn't easy to let go of a person in that way who you loved and cared about. It can hurt sometimes... but in the end, I'm reminding myself that just because romance and marriage might not be in the card for us, doesn't mean that love itself isn't.

And maybe, in fact, this will be even better for us. Hilary and I got to know each other very well in 7 years. We had struggles and difficulties, but ultimately, she helped me at times when I was down, and I'd like to think I did the same for her. Giving that up because we aren't romantically compatible would be squandering a very important gift, and I refuse to squander that.

Pain might come, but it can also go... we remind ourselves that love comes in many forms for a reason. And if we are hurt and down, if we are struggling, it's the love of someone like that which can see us through.

Thank you, Hilary, for having been my girlfriend. Thank you for having been there for me so many times. Thank you for still wanting to be my friend. It does mean more to me than you'd believe, and I want you to know that whatever happens for you in life, I'll be there for you.

Bananas and all...

Opportunity or sign of regression?

So a month ago, I moved down to the Southtowns, and went back to living with family, with the intention of saving money for a while and paying off some of the bills I've had for a while. Nothing horrendously drastic, but when you can save $500 + a month on rent and utilities, it sounds like a wonderful chance to improve yourself.

It is. It really is nice to be saving money again, catching up on things I was... well, not necessarily behind on, but not as far ahead of as I wanted to be.

But I had a fear when I made this choice - a fear that it would cost me something. And it has - it's lead to strained relationships with a LOT of people. For one thing, the teaching schedule I'd originally expected to have changed, at the last minute, and so now Mondays and Tuesday I am in the classroom both morning and night. Wednesday I spend usually recovering from that and then I try to get a workout in - by the time that's over, it's 11 at night. Thursday is more or less the same. Friday morning I teach, and technically that should mean Friday afternoon I'm free, but I've had to substitute one Friday, had to take care of family stuff on another... and the people I'd hoped to make plans with weren't available on others.

Sunday (yes, I'll get back to Saturday) I go and work out, then I am having to spend time getting ready for classes, and doing stuff for cleaning up my place (I don't want to seem like a slob to my family). End result - I have Saturday... after I teach, that is. And it seems like the person I'd like to spend Saturday evenings with is never available then anymore either.

My point is this: when I moved here, I did so because I saw a golden opportunity to build myself up financially, and yes, that is happening. I also saw the possibility that I'd find my relationships with people who are important to me straining... and that's happening, too.

I can't tell anymore, but was this a golden opportunity or a sign of regression? Because I frankly can't tell the difference anymore.

What's the difference?

Apparently intrigue (or whatever) is present for Facebook users of the Oregon Trail application, which will be replaced next week by a speed-dating application. People who have the Oregon trail application currently will find their beloved remake of the classic computer game gone and replaced by an on-line dating application.

See the link here. Of course, those of us who stop to think about it realize that there's no real difference: with both apps, the goal is to make it all the way without finding yourself wiped out by disease or financial hardship, and a lot of sacrifices end up being made. So in the end, I guess nothing will change with this application, except the name... and of course, the fact that this new version will have remarkable live-action sequences that could actually put you at risk of getting offed, financially and physically.

Great idea... really...

No, I'm not complaining...

I've been neglecting this site... mostly because I haven't had the energy to do anything on it lately. Heck, I've got a ton of work to do on other sites, so keeping you up to date with all the details of my life (it's really boring) has been a bit low on the priority list. It's just not all that high up on my list of things to do. What can I say. Still, I felt compelled to write something here about what's been going on so you don't all think I disappeared (I know you'd all miss me just SOOOO much if that happened).

So the short version is that teaching has been pretty rough... not that I'm complaining about it, it's just a more hectic schedule than I'd originally anticipated. 4 classes Monday and Tuesday really drags me out, so that Wednesday morning I spend in recovery, and Thursday I'm trying to make up for Wednesday at REI. Friday morning I teach again, then I go to REI again, then I teach again Saturday, then I go to REI again... Sunday, if I have any energy early enough in the day, is the one day I actually have to myself, but it tends to be mostly me getting ready for the new week.

Maybe it sounds like a trivial change, but I actually prefer what next quarter is looking like: class spread out a bit more, and I can actually have a few evenings at home... well, not my own home... not quite. I'm staying in West Seneca for the foreseeable future, with my Aunt. This was a wise move, in the end, because I'm finally starting to pay off the last of my bills from school, save some money up, and even buy some things I've wanted to for a while... like power tools (ok, yeah, I'm sure that worries you, but I'm not turning into Tim Allen, I'm just getting stuff that's good for doing home repairs... regular drill, compound miter saw... eventually a table saw). I'm starting to put a bit of resources into re-building my model train setup. It's stress relief, what can I say. And I'm starting to work on a portfolio for my master's.

So I've been busy. But hey, it's life.

Anyway, I wanted you know that things are fine and I'm still here and eventually I will get back on target with the stuff I've been working on for here for a long time.

Incidentally, those of you who have 3D experience (with 3DS Max) might be interested to know I am putting together a website (and hopefully, eventually) a book on 3DS modeling and animation... yes, we need another, and yes, I think we need something with WAY more detail than what I've seen lately.

Anyway, watch for an announcement for submissions, probably around Christmas time.

For the time being, I gotta get back to work.

Content He Didn't Come Up With - #5

Here's another great one for those of you who've seen 'Coming to Alderaan', the parody of Star Wars using JEJ's lines from Coming to America...

Darth Vader being a smartass: