No funny rant today... no amusing letter, no interesting points... it's not the typical day for me, nor for anyone else, I imagine. I'm thinking about a whole year of changes in this world. The most obvious first change is the sense of security I once held about life. I doubt there's anyone left in the world who doesn't realize that safety was more-or-less an illusion. There aren't any things like the feeling of security left in the world. I never harbored the feeling that life was perfect, but it's very frightening how 19 people could have changed the world this much.



A lot of things have changed in this world, and I need to agree with whoever said that life is sometimes a bit less easy to look forward too... certainly the future has been of late.



Part of the problem is that I need to step back from what my life has been and figure out how to restore some of the feelings and ideals I had just over a year ago. Even ones that I held onto for 3 months after the tragedy of Semptember 11. That is a selfish feeling, of course. But it exists because as of late there is so much missing that I am not certain how or when I lost. And now, here I am, sitting at my computer, writing this long post that seems more of a collective rambling, listening to a list of names being read over the air of people who died exactly a year ago, today, and I'm trying to make sense of so many things, dealing with so much internal strife, and wondering what to do with myself.



And I'm desperately wishing I could talk to Scott now. I used to be someone that people came to for advice. That's not the case anymore. Now I feel like I need advice, and help. And I feel like I'm suddenly entirely in tears. I'm not entirely sure what the future holds anymore. I know what I'd wish it to hold, but before it can hold that, I need to figure out how to restore my past feelings, and those of the people around me.